The Beauty of a Thorn

I once asked God to remove a thorn from my flesh after tiring from the literal pain it was causing. This thorn has caused me pain many times before and many times before I have asked God to remove it and the answer has always been, No. In the past I used to get angry at God, wondering if He had even heard my prayers. When I first discovered that I had this thorn, I was a very self-centered person who thought a lot about my own needs and gave little thought to what God required of me or even wanted for my life.

 As the thorn became prevalent and quite frankly the center of my attention, I of course immediately asked God to remove the thorn, the answer was, No! Then I asked God to remove the pain, the answer was, No. Then, I became very mad at God! Then I asked God to just lessen the pain, the answer was NO. Then, I became even angrier at God!  

Then I asked God to help me endure the pain, the answer AGAIN was, No, then, I simply broke inside and out and cried out to God and said “I cannot do this without You!”  I then asked God to help me trust Him until the pain was gone. I then asked God to help use this thorn & the pain to glorify Him. All of this took years!

2 Corinthians 12:6-10(NLT) Paul writes;  “If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message,  even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.  Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weakness and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Paul lists what some of these “thorns" were - being imprisoned, stoned, beaten, shipwrecked and attacked by angry mobs. I Corinthians 2:3: "And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling." Like many believers, when Paul first started ministering, he never felt he had the natural ability to do the job God called him to do.

"And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power" (I Corinthians 2:4). Paul's infirmity or weakness of the flesh provided an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to do a mighty work.

The purpose of the thorn in the flesh was to keep Paul humble. Anyone who had encountered Jesus and was spoken to and commissioned by Him (Acts 9:2-8) would, in his natural state, become “puffed up.” Add to that the fact of being moved by the Holy Spirit to write much of the New Testament, and it is easy to see how Paul could become “haughty” (KJV) or “exalted above measure” (NKJV) or “too proud” (NCV).

It is understandable that Paul would consider this thorn a hindrance to wider or more effective ministry (Galatians 5:14-16) and that he would three times petition God for its removal (2 Corinthians 12:8). But Paul learned from this experience the lesson that dominates his writings: divine power is best displayed against the backdrop of human weakness (2 Corinthians 4:7) so that God alone is praised (2 Corinthians 10:17). Rather than removing the problem, God gave him grace and strength through it, and He declared that grace to be “sufficient.”

 God used a thorn in Paul’s flesh to keep him humble and help him experience God in a way he may have never experienced God apart from knowing his need for God. Even Jesus Christ bore thorns in His flesh such as the agony of rejection, begrudging, anguish and suffering.  He even had to wear a literal crown of thorns, though His thorns were undeserved. Jesus endured His thorns to show obedience to His father, infinite love, boundless mercy and unceasing grace to a sinful people in the world. I learned that Jesus bore His thorns as a sacrifice for me and as I bear mine I find comfort that in my weakness God has given me grace, mercy, endurance and strength.

 I still have the thorn and the pain but I no longer carry the burden of worry, of how or why it afflicts me or even why it has not been taken from me. I get to use this thorn to encourage others, to lean on God and show Himself strong through my obedience and faith. I stand here today with an unwavering faith that His grace is sufficient and now see the beauty of a thorn.

Communicating With Your Teen

As a parent, you may be shocked by conversations your teen is having with you about their friends or issues they are having in school.  You may find yourself judging them or their friends, disagreeing with them or you may experience a confirmation of what you've already suspected about the world your teenager lives in. Regardless your teen needs you. If your teen believes that you are truly listening to them and then use what they shared as a moment to teach them, not judge, they will be likely to return to you with even bigger struggles or concerns. Teens need to know that their parent’s ears are a safe place to share their frustrations, fears, or mistakes. Parents should listen and then ask God for self-control before they respond so they do not lose control of their temper or emotions. You then have an opportunity to point your teen to God, who will walk with them no matter what they encounter. Parents must communicate to their children that God and Hid word, is relevant in today's society. He's not afraid of tough issues, nor should we be afraid to take tough issue to Him.
Teens often tend to spend a large amount of time in their room, with their peers, and away from family activities. Consequently, opportunities for communication can diminish during this period of the teen's life if parents are not actively seeking ways to spend time with their children. Teens must know you’re always available to listen, support, and give advice.

Communication with teenagers is not always easy. Even in the healthiest relationships, people who love each other will disagree.  There is a difference between working through conflict and an ugly fight. When a parent is out of control and a relationship is brought to a low of screaming and fighting or physical force is used to make your teen bend to your will, you've lost your authority already. When you work through conflict with respect, hope, dignity and affirmation, chances are your teen will respond.

Modifying the way you effectively communicate is important, especially when your teen is being difficult. Expressing the desired behavior or activity is essential to your teen understanding what you expect from them. For example, if your teen is pouting or being disrespectful try saying, “I expect you to be respectful, how can you say that again, but this time include using your manners?" Letting your child know what is expected will leave no room for labels or misunderstandings of what you are trying to communicate.

Be careful not to label your teen with generalizations based on their behavior such as; you are just like your mom or dad, you're a loner, you're very difficult, stubborn, unmanageable, hard headed, ridiculous, acting like a baby, etc. Teens are labeled every day. They are often judged by their peer due to their culture, beliefs, backgrounds, what they drive, what they wear and often what they look like. With all of these characterizations, the last place they hope to find additional labels is in their own homes.

Teens want to have a conversation, but they will not attempt it unless they know that Mom or Dad is willing to listen. It’s frustrating when someone listens just long enough to jump in to try to immediately fix a problem or to offer advice or a lecture, when all your teen really may need at that moment is a listening ear. Many times parents miss the real issue because they fail to listen to the end of their side of a conversation. Parents often walk away thinking they've fixed the problem when they never really heard the heart of their teen.

Prayer is not only an effective way to communicate but fundamental in helping your child understand a deeper relationship with God. Remember to pray for and with your teen. Asking your teen, "how can I pray for you?" will open a door of opportunity for you to learn what is on your child's heart as well as teach them that God cares about what they are going through and that prayer is important.   When you hear the heartbeat of your teens issues, concerns, the challenges they are facing, or the emotions their battling, you are now better equipped to help your teen with the real problem. That is your moment to offer realistic guidance that will help your teen find his or her way through the issue.

Developing strong communications skills take work and time, but the gift received is the ability to see each other in a whole new light not just as mom or dad, son or daughter, teen or adult, but as people who are love and deeply care for one another.

Model Behavior

Model what you wish to see in your kids behavior and actions. If they see good standards played out before them they'll know what the correct behavior looks like and will not look at you as if your confusing them when you expect the same behavior from them.

Well modeled behaviors and actions include the "Fruit of the Holy Spirit." This is a biblical term that sums up nine attributes of a Christian life according to St. Paul in his Letter to the Galatians "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23.

These attributes for modeling behavior are also very effective in parenting:
Respectfulness
Confidence
Faith
Humbleness
Care
Concern

There's more to parenting than rules and schedules, the most impactful way to parent is through your own behavior. Your child will mimic your behavior so make sure you're modeling what you wish to see in your own kids. 

What To Say To Your Child When They Are Scared By A Local News Story or Radio Broadcast

"Tornadoes heading to the area"
"Terrorists beheading Christians"
“Meteors falling from the sky”
“Escaped convict on the loose”
“Local gas station robbed”
 “A wife or mother murdered”
“Shooting at a school”
“Body found in Local Park.....”

These are just a few current news headlines from the local news. Parents are uneasy when they hear these types of news stories being broadcast by the media; children can be absolutely terrified by them.

As parents what can you do to ease their fears?

First, talk to your child. Asking simple questions like, “how are you feeling right now; sad, angry or scared?”  or “What made you feel that way?”  Then follow up with reassuring comments that reassure them that what they feel is normal and then calmly share how you feel about the event.

A healthy example; if you child states that he is scared of meteor‘s because he heard they are falling from the sky and crashing into houses. An appropriate and simple response would be to say that you realize that he is a scared, but meteors rarely hit the earth so it is very unlikely this will happen here. Also explain that scientists have special satellites that detect when a meteor is close to the earth and the news or radio would report to us where one may land so we could stay safe.  Then take a moment to stop and pray with your child.  Ask God to comfort them and protect them, to take away their fear and thank God for hearing and answering your prayers.  The more reassurance you can offer, the more your child will begin to feel that he is out of harm's way.

What happens when a child’s anxiety or worry is not calmed immediately? When a child is upset by a dreadful event, such as an escaped convict in a local city, the world tends to become a scarier place to them.  Reassure them that they are loved, safe, cared for and protected. At bedtime spend an extra few minutes telling them a bedtime story, reading a bible verse or singing their favorite song. Act out a tough situation with a “good” outcome. For example; the child is the police officer, you are the convict, and you pretend that you are in handcuffs and escape the room. You then paly hide and seek. Let the child find you, arrest you and place you in jail. As the child acts out the scenario he will remember the outcome and have hope that the bad guy can be caught.

What if the child’s fears continue into the next day? Parents should continue the conversation about what is bothering the child. Be willing to respond in a positive supportive manner. Never show frustration towards the child as he shares his continued concerns or fears. Don’t forget that touch is soothing, hold your child’s hand, offer a hug or pat on the back and you comfort them.  Begin the day with prayer. Thank God for watching over your family through the night and for his protection this day. Thank Him for His presence and for always being near. Thank Him for loving you and your child and answering your prayers.

Fears can make a child want to stop their regular routines, such as going to school, or playing outdoors. Encouraging your child normal activity as soon as possible is important. Even if a child does not want to participate encouraging them to do so will in itself proved security because routines are recognized as safe.

How to help your child understand that bad things happen but we can heal after they do. After a period of experiencing distress, caused by a tragic event or topic, helping your child have a sense of hope and optimism is essential to them breaking free of the fear.  Explaining that you believe God has a plan for your lives and that your plan is not the same as anyone else’s is a good start. Telling your child that God has a plan for each person that is not like another, that each life will be different will help them understand the event that happened to another person has experienced difficulty, may not be what God has planned for them.

Share with your child a time when you faced a fear, prayed and God helped you through a difficult circumstance. Teach your children to place their hope in God. Hope in God reassures us that we matter to God and that God cares for us.  Trust God’s word, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”(Jeremiah 29:11)  Having as sense of optimism teaches children that problems and tragedies are temporary.  Parents, I know today’s headlines are heartbreaking and I pray that you also lean into God to uplift you and that place your hope in Him as you encourage your children.

Overcome Bitterness

BITTERNESS affects everyone. Each of us has wrestled with our personal bouts of bitterness. Usually it is a minor irritation, while at other times it can become a deep-seated sickness which affects every area of our life. Usually, it is a temporary problem which is soon resolved. At other times, it becomes a long-standing condition which lingers for a lifetime.

Bitterness can be defined as "an intense, deep-seated feeling of resentment, indignation, and ill-will against someone or something which we feel has committed an insult, injustice, or offense against us."

The Bible compares bitterness to a "root" and declares that many have been "defiled" by it (Heb.12:15).

Bitterness is an emotional response which results from failing to properly deal with feelings of personal wounding, outrage, anger, unforgiveness, and even hatred.

Parents, your children will pick up on signs of bitterness very quickly. They will tend to display their own signs of bitterness within their personalities and actions simply because the live in an environment laced with this poison.

If you are inundated with bitterness it’s time to lay your feelings at the foot of the cross, give your cares to Jesus he cares for you and wants you whole and healthy, this include you mind, body and spirit.

When you hold onto bitterness this allows the enemy to plant a seed of utter poison within your heart, and Jesus never intended you to live a life that was infected with unforgiven offenses.

When you forgive the person that has caused you such pain, you are creating nourishing and healing environment within your heart.

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22

How does God reveal Himself?

Last summer I was struggling with feeling connected to God. I wasn’t in disbelief that he was real. I wasn’t questioning my faith, salvation or even grappling with believing the truth that he loves me, I suppose I just felt that he was distant. The cause of this disconnect could have been caused by many things: lack of reading his word, stress, fatigue, or illness. You name it, I’m sure I allowed it to affect my relationship with God.  I did not like feeling detached from my relationship with God. In fact, I was growing quite depressed. I began to pray daily for God to reveal his presence to me. Weeks went by and the feeling of depression deepened. One morning I woke up with a strange memory of something I saw in a brief dream. I saw a heavy-set woman, with brown skin, black hair in medium length braids, who was lying in front of a maroon car. The troubling part of this memory was that I also recalled this person had blood on her face and forehead. I said a short prayer, something like, “God help that person,” I then went about my day not giving it a second thought.

That afternoon, my husband called me and said he would be late coming home because he was pulled over at an accident. He then said that he didn’t think the person was going to survive and was praying for this young person. 

I was cooking dinner and said a brief prayer for what he was witnessing and for the person involved in the accident. When my husband arrived home I went outside to greet him. He said, “That guy didn’t make it,” I immediately felt a sense of sadness for what my husband had witnessed and for the family who lost a loved one.

Something prompted me to ask my husband for more details about the accident. I asked if the car was reddish maroon in color. He said yes. My heart began to beat fast. I then said, “This is going to sound strange and I’m not trying to freak you out, but did this person have black hair, chubby cheeks, braided black hair, and blood on their face? He said, “Yes, why, did they already have someone reporting it on the news?” I said no, and began to tell him about what I saw in my dream. (Although I was a bit confused because I thought I saw a young woman in my dream.)  My husband replied very calmly, “huh?” I believe he was left speechless by what I had shared.

 I was shaken up quite a bit, so I walked back into the house and sat on my bed and began to cry. I felt such grief for someone I didn’t know, then immediately felt an overwhelming guilt for not praying for this person’s salvation.

After a few minutes of not being able to stop the tears and my heart from racing, I called my friend Julie and shared with her what had happened. She reminded me that the guilt I was feeling did not come from God and for some reason he chose to show me this vison to bring him glory. She even went on to say that she thought it was “cool” that God showed me this.  (I did not think it was cool AT ALL.) Then she prayed for me. I was thankful for her, and comforted by her intentions to console me, but throughout the night I experienced emotions of fear, confusion, and even anger that God allowed me to see this. I felt such a heavy burden for not praying for his salvation that I couldn’t shake it.

The next day I saw a news story on the television about the accident. They broadcasted a picture of the person who died and I almost fell to my knees. It was the person I saw in my dream. This young man was beautiful, his hair was in braids and he had sweet chubby cheeks. I guess the details I had remembered in my dream were so brief that I failed to notice the person’s gender.  The reporter went on to state that it was an 18-year-old high school student who was the son of a local pastor. The young man had been highly involved in his church’s music ministry. They interviewed friends who knew him and said he loved the Lord greatly, was extremely gifted, and loved others well. My heart was once again overwhelmed, but this time I wasn’t overwhelmed in fear, but thankfulness, for knowing that he was with the Lord. I knew that not only had the Lord shown me that this boy was His, but he also showed me that he would use this young man’s life and death for purposes far beyond his or his family’s understanding.

This is the actual, beautiful young man, that I saw in my dream.

It’s been a year since this occurred and it feels as if it just happened yesterday. I am grateful that the Lord continues to reveal his presence and grace in my own faith each day as I seek him in continual prayer. To know that God was revealing himself by the witness of how this young man lived was heart touching. I feel humbled that God also showed me that he works and reveals himself in many ways. Even though God may not reveal himself to you in the same way, he will reveal himself to you if you seek him.

Many people ask, “How does God reveal Himself,” or “how do I know if I am actually hearing from God?”  It is important to first understand who God is so that you can better understand how God reveals himself. These things are true about God:

 God reveals himself to us through grace found in Jesus.

  ·         If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins (1 John 1:9).

  ·         If we walk in the light . . . the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:7).  

  ·         If we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us. (2 Timothy       2:12). 

  ·         If we draw near to God, he will draw near to us. (James 4:8).

God reveals himself to us primarily through scripture.

God is revealed to individuals through active interaction with God’s word, reading and studying the scripture. Scripture, which was written thousands of years ago reveals God’s plan for humankind, and is God’s guide book on how we should live. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 shows that God has revealed His will to us primarily through His Word. It says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” The writings in the word of God are God inspired or “God breathed;” He purposely moved the prophets and scribes to write the words down. So it was not by their own initiative, but God instructed them and it became his communication to us.

God reveals himself through people and their life stories.

Throughout time there has been the unfolding story of how God relates to people and how people relate to God. God has never left us without a witness. He instructed those who he had revealed himself to, such as prophets, judges, and disciples, to write down what he said. Some of God’s revelation was revealed through dreams or visons. In the book of Daniel (2:28-29) we see through a dream that King Nebuchadnezzar experienced a message from God,  “there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and He has made known to King Nebuchadnezzar what will take place in the latter days. This was your dream and the visions in your mind while on your bed. ‘As for you, O king, while on your bed your thoughts turned to what would take place in the future; and He who reveals mysteries has made known to you what will take place.’”

For those that seek him, God is still active today so they can have a relationship with him. God may communicate through dreams or visions even today, but we need to carefully check any such guidance we receive with Scripture and godly counsel to be sure it is from the Lord. It is important to know that anything, which contradicts Scripture, is not from God. Our minds and even Satan are capable of producing great deception in such subjective areas.

How do you know it’s God?

 ·         As a Christin our decisions, words, as well as our character, should never contradict the Bible. For example if you have a thought or hear a voice saying “Jesus didn’t die for you,” there’s about a 0% chance that it’s from God.

True revelation or inspiration comes from God. Trust that after seeking him in prayer about the matter that God will reveal whether it’s an idea from him. Usually there is confirmation through scripture, conversation with another Christian, or events that line up with the idea that God is revealing to you.  It is my prayer that as God reals to you who he is, his love for you and his plans for you that on the days you feel distant to God you will continue seeking him every day. Not only will he reveal himself to you he will bring about his provision in how he will use this revelation to grow you for his glory.               

Your Parenting Style Matters

Most of us tend to parent the same way we were parented. Even those of us who said, “I’ll never do or say that to my kids,” frequently mimic what we saw or heard from our parents.  I heard a memorable quote once that said, “You are who you are because of your parents, shame on you if you stay that way.” I do not mean any disrespect, but EVERY parent has instilled some negative form of behavior, mannerisms, beliefs or dysfunction in their child’s life. So as parents we need to look closely at our parenting style to see if we are duplicating the unhealthy behaviors or choices that our parents made as we were learning and developing from their style of parenting.

Every parent has a parenting style. Some dig in their heels and refuse to change their parenting style, assured that they are right even when they live in constant chaos. Parents who are unwilling to adjust their parenting style from what they know, to what produces positive change, tend to push away their children or produce a foundation of resentment or rebellion. Adjusting your parenting style can help form a trusting relationship of mutual respect. When children believe their parents are empowering them to make better choices, instead of only trying to punish or correct their wrong behavior, they’ll be more likely to develop a healthy view of your parenting approach. 

First, stop lecturing; start discussing, talking and in turn start listening. Many well-meaning parents think they can simple manage their children by punishing or controlling undesired behavior. They spend very little time preparing them for the real world. The truth is that a child will mimic the conduct you display for them. If you correct your child with aggression, they will deal with unwanted issues in their life with aggression. If your parenting style consists of passive behavior, or lacks healthy boundaries, the child will also lack boundaries.  As a parent it is vital that you instill positive values and a genuine understanding that every choice they make has a real outcome, just as every choice you make in your parenting style does. At some point your children are going out into that “real” world — to a job, to college, to marriage — and it is vital that they be prepared for that day.

Parents should specifically teach biblical principles to their children and model them faithfully. Using scripture, the word of God as a directional parenting guide is a great to infuse values, moral principles and impart a message of living a meaningful life. 

As you share God’s word with your children effective communication is established and this is essential for teaching, correction and training your children to make good choices. “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.”  (2 Timothy 3:16)  Parents that learn how valuable God’s word is and how it communicates to their children’s lives, often have children who have a sense of hope and feel safer to lean on them when they need help or to discuss the issues in their life.

One way to adjust your style is that instead of just telling  children what to do (the way most of us were raised) have discussions with them; spend time working out the practical applications of the truths you have taught them. Rather than lecturing, ask questions. When you start asking questions, you convey a powerful positive message to them that they need to begin thinking on their own. Asking questions makes them feel valued. It empowers them to begin asking their own questions of you and about the negative things their peers may ask them to be involved in. If you look at the statistics of the first use of drugs, alcohol and sexual experimentation, kids usually pick up these habits when alone with their friends. If a parent is openly discussing the dangers of drug and alcohol use or sexual promiscuity they will be less likely to make the wrong choice when they are around their peers.  Give your kids freedoms, opportunities to make their own choices, but as we say in the horse world “let out the reins” slowly. Just be sure that you partner with them in helping them make good choices in areas that will threaten their safety and their future, especially at the very impressionable “tween” years.

Adjusting your parenting style to your child’s age and maturity is not something you only do once. As they grow and mature and face new challenges, you need to keep changing you conversation right along with them. The relationship is far more important than minor issues, focus on what matters most and set aside the rest. Engage your child now, on their level, and make any changes or adjustments in order to improve your relationship with them and to prepare them for the all too soon day in which they will be out on their own. Remember to ask lots of questions. The answers you get to your questions will help you identify areas in which you may need to adjust or strengthen your teaching. Do not be judgmental or reactionary; use their answers as an opportunity to teach. If you are having daily ongoing meaningful conversations with your children then you have already taught them about your values; now affirm and guide them toward what is right. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

 If I’m speaking with a young person and they answer with a negative comment, I say something like, “That’s interesting.” I don’t ever say “That’s wrong.” I then keep the conversation going (with more questions) and try to guide them rather than disgrace them. They’ll often come around to the right decision — based on the values they’ve been taught — if it is discussed openly and without condemnation. As a parent, encourage your children rather than shaming them for their mistakes and shortcomings. What you intentionally or unintentionally communicate to your children will shape how they respond to life’s challenges as adults. 

The most effective parents explain the Bible to their children and consistently live by the principles they teach. If you haven’t been the mother or father that God has called you to be, don’t let the world or the lies of Satan condemn and discourage you. Instead, get on your knees before our heavenly Father and surrender your life and your parenting to Him. Ask the Lord to make you into the godly mother or father that He wants you to be. You will still make some mistakes. But God will begin to change you if you allow Him to shepard or guide your parenting style through His word found in scripture.