As a parent, you may be shocked by conversations your teen is having with you about their friends or issues they are having in school. You may find yourself judging them or their friends, disagreeing with them or you may experience a confirmation of what you've already suspected about the world your teenager lives in. Regardless your teen needs you. If your teen believes that you are truly listening to them and then use what they shared as a moment to teach them, not judge, they will be likely to return to you with even bigger struggles or concerns. Teens need to know that their parent’s ears are a safe place to share their frustrations, fears, or mistakes. Parents should listen and then ask God for self-control before they respond so they do not lose control of their temper or emotions. You then have an opportunity to point your teen to God, who will walk with them no matter what they encounter. Parents must communicate to their children that God and Hid word, is relevant in today's society. He's not afraid of tough issues, nor should we be afraid to take tough issue to Him.
Teens often tend to spend a large amount of time in their room, with their peers, and away from family activities. Consequently, opportunities for communication can diminish during this period of the teen's life if parents are not actively seeking ways to spend time with their children. Teens must know you’re always available to listen, support, and give advice.
Communication with teenagers is not always easy. Even in the healthiest relationships, people who love each other will disagree. There is a difference between working through conflict and an ugly fight. When a parent is out of control and a relationship is brought to a low of screaming and fighting or physical force is used to make your teen bend to your will, you've lost your authority already. When you work through conflict with respect, hope, dignity and affirmation, chances are your teen will respond.
Modifying the way you effectively communicate is important, especially when your teen is being difficult. Expressing the desired behavior or activity is essential to your teen understanding what you expect from them. For example, if your teen is pouting or being disrespectful try saying, “I expect you to be respectful, how can you say that again, but this time include using your manners?" Letting your child know what is expected will leave no room for labels or misunderstandings of what you are trying to communicate.
Be careful not to label your teen with generalizations based on their behavior such as; you are just like your mom or dad, you're a loner, you're very difficult, stubborn, unmanageable, hard headed, ridiculous, acting like a baby, etc. Teens are labeled every day. They are often judged by their peer due to their culture, beliefs, backgrounds, what they drive, what they wear and often what they look like. With all of these characterizations, the last place they hope to find additional labels is in their own homes.
Teens want to have a conversation, but they will not attempt it unless they know that Mom or Dad is willing to listen. It’s frustrating when someone listens just long enough to jump in to try to immediately fix a problem or to offer advice or a lecture, when all your teen really may need at that moment is a listening ear. Many times parents miss the real issue because they fail to listen to the end of their side of a conversation. Parents often walk away thinking they've fixed the problem when they never really heard the heart of their teen.
Prayer is not only an effective way to communicate but fundamental in helping your child understand a deeper relationship with God. Remember to pray for and with your teen. Asking your teen, "how can I pray for you?" will open a door of opportunity for you to learn what is on your child's heart as well as teach them that God cares about what they are going through and that prayer is important. When you hear the heartbeat of your teens issues, concerns, the challenges they are facing, or the emotions their battling, you are now better equipped to help your teen with the real problem. That is your moment to offer realistic guidance that will help your teen find his or her way through the issue.
Developing strong communications skills take work and time, but the gift received is the ability to see each other in a whole new light not just as mom or dad, son or daughter, teen or adult, but as people who are love and deeply care for one another.
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